Know Yourself
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines self-awareness as, “an awareness of one's own personality or individuality.” There is SO MUCH packed into that little statement, and I want to unpack some of it today because I truly believe that cultivating personal self-awareness, as a leader is essential. Leaders, you NEED to know who you are, what motivates you, how you react in stress, how you react in security, and how you best interact with others.
I wish I truly had understood this much earlier in both my career and personal life. At West Point, cadets take a rigorous and diverse offering of courses in the creation of well-rounded Army Officers. Two of those courses are in the Department of Behavior Sciences and Leadership (BS&L): PL100 – General Psychology and PL300 – Military Leadership. I thoroughly enjoyed both courses, and for many years I carried around and referenced my massive PL300 course notebook as I navigated my early Army leadership positions. At that time, the leadership models focused on cultivating good leadership and organizations. What are our values? How do we establish ourselves as leaders beyond rank and position? What motivates subordinates? How do we give good direction and feedback to our teams? It was all very much about who we OUGHT to be and what our teams NEEDED from us as leaders. And it was very valuable. I loved the class. I loved the information, and I used it. But, there was very little that helped me understand the uniqueness of what makes me tick, both positively and negatively, and how that impacts my leadership.
It wasn’t until I was a mid-grade officer, around 2014 that I stumbled into understanding self-awareness. I had done some Meyers-Briggs typing on and off in my Army career. I had an idea of “what type of leader” I was. But, I did not have awareness of what that meant. What tinted my glasses to be what they were? I stumbled into it because I was in a leadership position during an Army staff exercise where we had trainers observing us and providing input. I finally noticed, in myself, that the interactions I was having with my trainer, someone I knew and respected, were not going well. I felt he thought I was being combative and not learning. But, I was listening and learning. That is when the light bulb went off. I verbally process. In fact, I enjoyed what I call “verbal boxing” – or going back and forth on ideas to get to the best solution. I understand now, thanks to this occurrence, that most people are simply going to see it as arguing and confrontation IF they don’t know me. And they can’t know me if I don’t let them in and explain, in advance, how I work. I, as the leader, have to let them in and know how I work. I also have to accept that not everyone is comfortable with that method or can adapt to it. I, as the leader, must be able to have multiple ways of interacting with others, meeting them where they are, so we can accomplish the mission.
None of that happens, however, if I don’t understand myself well. I cannot set correct expectations with my teams, and that is not fair to them as people or the organization. I also cannot recognize when I am overwhelming someone with my personality and ways if I don’t understand myself and how my personality interacts with others. That is self-awareness. It is understanding yourself and how you interact with the world. Good leaders will use that to help them be the best for their team, and it also makes them the best for themselves!
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