You're Not Perfect - That’s Ok!

Leadership is hard. You will hear me say this repeatedly. That is why leaders of character intentionally pursue their own growth. One of the areas that can “trip up” a leader is when the leader mistakes the need to be confident as a need to be perfect. Friend, you are not perfect. You know that, if not, that’s another discussion – so I’m going with the assumption that you do know that you are not perfect. You have lived with yourself for all your life and know the times you have struggled and failed. You know the areas that push your intelligence, that cause you to be uncomfortable, and that challenge you. You may try to be “good” at many things, but perfection is unattainable for anyone.

Why is it then, that so many leaders find the need to project or exude a “perfect” appearance around those they lead?

Here are 3 reasons I find this to be true:

1.      Wrong understanding of the expectations of a leader

2.      Ego and pride

3.      Confusing confidence and perfection

Let’s dive more deeply into each of these issues.

1. There are some leaders who have been told and heard their whole lives that they must “lead by example.” Unfortunately, many have not been taught what that phrase even means. They are genuinely good hearted, and they believe that until they have perfected something they cannot hold others to it or expect it of them. When is a leader ever truly able to be an expert on everything? They are not, nor do they have to be that expert. Rather, “lead by example” is a concept of intent and character. It means that by the same effort and commitment that you lead, you expect others to do their job. Sometimes, yes, it truly does mean that you must do it first. I can think of many times in my military career where I needed to do the hard thing first to show my team that it could be done (or at least attempted) and that I was “in the trenches with them.” But what it means more than that is living and outwardly reflecting the core values of the organization and accomplishing your unique role towards mission accomplishment. Leader, your actions towards that mission accomplishment is often NOT the same as your teams’ actions. Rather, all those actions are specific to each person’s role and in a domino effect create the desired outcome. The desire to “lead by example” is a worthy one, but you need to correctly define what that looks like within your responsibilities. Do not hear what I am not saying. I am not saying do not get in the trenches with your team. Rather, I am saying, know when the right time is to get into the trenches with your team. And when you are in those trenches, be prepared to communicate appropriately. It might be that they actually need to see you do it. Or maybe they need to see you learn from them about what they do daily. Or maybe they just need to hear you genuinely appreciate them for their contributions. Regardless, because you cannot be perfect at everything, do not feel compelled to present a perfection attitude and demeanor all the time. Rather, know what your team needs to see and hear from you and walk confidently in that, even if it is that you are learning and don’t know something. Do what you, and only you can do, with the same vigor that you expect of your team. Develop those around you to reflect the values of the organization. When you are honest, available, and engaged, then your team can step up and help fill the natural gaps that you are going to have; that is when innovation, breakthrough, and trust happens!

2. Ego and pride have been the downfall of many a promising leader. It is not that the leader actually *thinks* they are perfect (though, some do). It is that they feel it is necessary to appear perfect. Anything that mars that impression is seen as an enemy to their ability to command confidence and authority. For some, it could be fear of seeming incompetent. For others, it may be a fear that others will use their lack of perfection against them. Yet others simply cannot stand to be wrong, and their ego and pride drive them to insist that they, their ideas, and their initiatives are always correct. While an initial impression of strong perfection may be awe-inspiring and confidence building in a new team, after a time, it will wear off because the leader cannot sustain it. To “save face,” such ego driven leaders will most likely make bad decisions, alienate their teams, and ultimately implode in one way or another to maintain power. Do not be this leader. History has repeatedly proven the old proverb that “pride goes before a fall.” Let the pride go. Embrace humility. Teams are looking for authentic leaders who able to balance confidence and humility through a learning and growth-based approach. Not only is a humble approach better for those you lead, it is infinitely more healthy and sustainable for you!

3. In the previous two leader errors, I have mentioned the importance of teams needing a confident leader. This is true. Teams and organizations need leaders to make confident decisions. Decision making is a core responsibility of a leader. However, some leaders confuse confidence and perfection. Dictionary.com defines confidence as “full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.” Someone that is trustworthy or reliable need not be perfect all the time. Rather, a leader’s consistency and honesty build the foundation for both the leader to make confident decisions and the follower to walk in their leader’s confidence. You DO NOT have to master something or become “perfect” at it to lead. In fact, understanding where your blind spots and weaknesses are and finding the right people on your team that can fill those gaps is exactly what builds team confidence. Do not strive to be perfect. You know it is an unattainable goal. Learn what you need to know to make good decisions, surround yourself with people that are competent and capable of filling your knowledge gaps, and using all of that together, employ a decision-making process that results in a confident decision your team can execute. Systematically re-evaluate your decision and the results and improve upon it. If something goes wrong, don’t allow that to diminish your confidence. Instead, be humble to adjust, change, or stop as necessary and your team will see that you are not so wedded to ideas that you see them all the way to failure. Confidence is the ability to make sound decisions. Sometimes even the soundest decisions will have poor results. That is OKAY! Adjust, and move on. The currency of trust will empower your teams to go above and beyond what you can even imagine.

You are not perfect. You know it. No one is. Do not attempt to be what you are not; people can and will see through that. Have a growth mindset, use the expertise of your team to make you better, and make confident decisions and confident adjustments. Doing this sets the example for your team as a learning and flexible organization. Perfection will have you stuck, arrogant, or burned out. Make good decisions, move forward, and have the confidence in yourself and your team to adjust as necessary as you move forward, learn, and grow!